Breakfast Without Meat was zine put out in the '80s by Gregg Turkington (Neil Hamburger, Zip Code Rapists) and Lizzy Kate Gray, and was sort of a precursor to zines like Chunklet and The Cimarron Weekend, or if an issue of Chunklet was co-written by Rusty Smetanka and the guy from Swan Fungus maybe. Their coverage was generally centered on outsider stuff like Caroliner and Sun City Girls, with frequent nods to '60s/'70s fringe pop artists like Jimmy Webb and Richard Harris. Sometimes you couldn't tell if some of the things in the zine were totally fake (the Jimmy Webb interview is riddled with answers like "I have looked at Penthouse with lust in my heart. Sometimes I've even drawn moustaches and warts and moles and such on the pictures"), and pretty much everything in the zine was written from a totally skewed/exaggerated perspective, right down to things like the record label ads that were supposed to be serious.
My favorite issue was the "Breakfast Guide to the Movies", which was basically pages and pages of acidic one-liners pretending to be movie reviews; I used to xerox my favorite pages and write letters on the back of 'em whenever I'd answer my mail. Breakfast Without Meat's record reviews were done in a similar one-and-out manner; the only issue of that I have a copy of right now-- issue 14-- gives one-line reviews like "We were going to take this into the used record store and turn it in for credit, but it was more satisfying to put it under our truck wheels and drive back and forth over it for half an hour", or "There were 2 holes punched in the LP cover, inspiring us to take it out back and use it for target practice", or "By the time we'd gotten to this record for review, we'd lost patience with young people."
Issue #14 included a bunch of cartoons by Derrick Bostrom of the Meat Puppets-- a frequent contributor-- as well as an 8" flexi disc featuring Mark Eitzel (of American Music Club), The Easy Goings (one of Gregg's other bands, covering the Beach Boys' "Johnny Carson", written by Brian Wilson no less), and a somewhat-okay fake-infomercial thingy. I was going to post just the Mark Eitzel track, since it's the only credible thing on here, but then I figured, fuckit, the whole thing's meant to be a joke anyway so why not include all of it. Plus, as flimsy as flexis are, this could be the last playable copy in existence, and the history of bad Brian Wilson covers/ficticious hair-replacement ads needs to be preserved.
Mark Eitzel -
"Crystal Always Knows"
The Easy Goings -
Breakfast Without Meat -